I thought I had grown from my childish reactions. I thought I had gotten over my impulsiveness. I thought I had become mature, an adult: self-controlled and rational. But I assume I was wrong when it comes to the matters of the heart. Although anger and pain shot at me at first, I could not help myself from opening my arms and rushing onto Harry. I had only seen him days ago, but somehow this time felt different. Continue reading
Harry and I were friends now, he had been in a relationship for about a year now, and I was fine with it. Or at least I was telling myself I was fine with it. I remembered the night where he introduced me to his partner. It was the biggest shock of my life, and it was the first time I felt such hatred for someone I had just met. I had looked at them both; his partner seemed confident, and sweet. Harry’s eyes were twitching. I smiled while my heart was straining for its last beat as I told them I was happy for them. While my eyes could not meet Harry’s, I looked at the wall behind him, and I said those words. Continue reading
I instantly recognized the voice.
“Hey Harry. How are you?”
There was an awkward silence where I wondered whether he would recognize me or not. He did. Continue reading
Another August came, and new dreams were flourishing. I’d recently signed a contract to Saudi Arabia, and was preparing myself to leave Beirut for a few years for a job offer. It was a haze really, trying to adjust to the fact that I will be living somewhere else, in a new country with new people. I had quit my older job and was living out my Beirut life for as long as I could. My friends were supportive although deep inside I knew it was tearing them apart just as much as it was doing me. But they hid their tears, and for that I was grateful. Behind every laugh we laughed there was that ominous feeling that this will all change, but we kept our heads high and decided to enjoy every second I had left in the country. Continue reading
He’d applied to the scholarship not having the least hope of being accepted. But he was. And he was leaving. I looked into his face searching for the irony but there was none. My fears came to life. I tried to reconcile between reality and nightmares, but no escape was before me. Inevitable truth stared me in the eye, and the sky laughed in mockery at my foolish heart.
We broke up, to say it bluntly. He was to leave to California God knows when.
“No one will know about this, not tonight,” I told him. My friends’ knowledge of the break-up would ruin the night. He agreed. And we were to spend our last day as a couple. Continue reading
Harry and Jad had planned the whole thing together. The surprise washed away all my doubts and fears. I was back on cloud nine. I was back to being the happiest person on earth. I was back to the cardboard castle I’d built in the air.
He got me a rose and a teddy bear soaked in his Valentino perfume. I kept the rose inside my favorite poetry book – yes, when it came to love, I was the cheesiest. I hugged the teddy bear every night when I went to sleep.
Another four weeks of bliss pass by, and I was climbing higher and higher into the sky, discovering new realms, new worlds, and attempting to top every peak, and glide on every cloud. Continue reading
They ask me: “Turning point? Seriously?”
“Yes,” I say. “That night was a turning point.”
It was the night that I fell in love.
It was the night I learned that it takes a moment for eyes to meet, a moment to smile, a moment to feel, and a moment to love.
Harry was everything I looked for, and nothing I’d looked for. He was the one who got me caught up in fantasies I’d never imagined myself building.
He was the one who made me break all the rules, and want to be everything as seen in his eyes.
We sat for hours in the weeks to follow. We dreamt like all lovers did. We talked about love, friendship, life, family, money, sex and so many other things.
We went to friends’ birthdays. We called each other every morning. We drove for miles. We sat under the stars. We kissed. We touched and we loved. Harry became my world, and in four weeks, I knew he was the person that was to fill up my life.
I felt him in my every bone, while rationalists called me a fool. They scorned me and laughed at my face. I’d lost my sanity, and I’d lost my reason—and I blamed love for it. Continue reading